What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Alive.
So much puke
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
