So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm like, not good at living.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
