I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
