Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
