Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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