You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
