The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
