I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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