even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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