For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
