would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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