the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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