Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
