Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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