u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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