i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
