im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
