Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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