I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
