loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
