At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
