I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
