i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
