pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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