He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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