I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
