ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My vagina just recognized that song.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
