Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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