He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
