Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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