2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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