i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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