So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
