I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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