remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
