Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
