hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
