you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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