I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
