Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
