Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
