He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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