to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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