How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
