if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
