we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
be right there i have to get my cape
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
