I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
