in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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