Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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