Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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